Purloined from the Onion, but who cares?

"Monotony that search party of inlet a made concretely bellow mountain bike. Authentically double-breasted the schmooze fire engine, phony the buildup by pantry timing. Obstinacy was occasional White House domesticity."

I think the thing I hate most about holidays is the introspection. Being a kid on Christmas morning was such a big deal; my capitalist family grooming me for material addiction first thing in the morning, then we groom to spend the rest of the day with the whole dysfunctional gang of extended, gorging on sweets and fat and loving the attention lavished upon our shiny little princess heads. There's a significant gap in my memory for a majority of years spent trying to reconcile with my maternal family, though why I even bothered is usually more of a mystery. Now, when buying shampoo from anywhere but the dollar store is an extravagant luxury, I still can't quite comprehend why I can't break this spell of splurging on crap for people...

I love a lot of people. There are a lot of people in my life more than deserving of my love. If I find a gewgaw(oh how I love that word!) that reminds me of that person, or that I think they would appreciate, and of course if I am fiscally sound in that moment(and sometimes even if I'm not), I do something absolutely crazy. I buy it, and then I give it to them the next time I see them.

I can't stand waiting for some pre-determined holiday to fulfill the required aspects of giver and givee. I like you, and I want to give you something that makes you happy, hopefully something that will also remind you of how special you are to me. I like surprises, especially when they're happy ones, and I like keeping my friends on their toes.

If I could figure a way to get stupid rich, my friends would totally get the hookup. I've pretty much abandoned the theory of purchasing a massive mansion complex and just "renting" out large portions to my dearest friends... mostly because I know that when friends are like family, they're usually better appreciated when you don't have to spend every hour of every day together. No, instead I think I'd just buy several properties, some in the city, some just outside, maybe some in other cities too... Of course I'd own an island somewhere too; my own little base of operations. I could rent out to my friends, provided I had a room at every house. Then I could jetset all over the place, visiting my old friends and making new ones... Is that socialism or communism? Or just capitalist bullshit refried?

Murfle. I could ramble on, but it's easy to be negative when you feel like crap. All I keep seeing is this snowball of stress that culminates at Christmas, slams into New Year's, and then just keeps crumbling down throughout January and February. Maybe I just need the island, so I can stay there all winter...